If I Were a Hockey Player

I got tagged by Kyle so here goes: If I were a hockey player…

Team: Edmonton Oilers (is there any other team? No)

Uniform Number: 11

Position: left wing

Nickname: Goddess on ice

Dream Linemates: Messier (since I’ve taken his number, he’ll have to pick another, which will be 76) and Anderson with Coffey/Lowe on the defense, with da Fuhr in net

Rounding out the PP: Kurri and Smyth….yes all forward powerplay

Job: Set-up woman for Messier, on and off the ice!

Signature Move: Since I’ve never played hockey before, I would use my figure skating abilities and distract the opposition with my triple axels and skating topless

Strengths: Obviously my goal-scoring triple axel…..no one else in the league can stop me

Weaknesses: Arrogance

Injury Problems: No injuries, men are too scared to hit me cause their wives will cut them off

Equipment: Whatever they give me

Nemesis: Every other non-Oiler player in the league. I hate everyone who is not a current Edmonton Oiler and particularly those who have been Oilers in the past. They need to watch out for their knees around me

Scandal Involvement: Cheap shots in every game. As a woman, no one hits me or drops the gloves so my actions are not policed in the NHL. I am given free-reign. It’s good being a woman

Who I’d face in the Cup Finals: The Leaves…….beating the most hated team in the league will be so sweet. It would also be a 4 game sweep, with a combined score of 76-2 for the Oilers

What I’d Do With the Cup after We won: Never give it back

Would the media love me or hate me?: Love me of course, the feminists will kill them if they dare criticize or hate me 🙂